Patients in Marriage

If you notice, the title of this blog is a pun, and yes with some patience you can know it all. The movie "The English Patient" was what I finally caught up with yesterday. Ralph Fiennes, twice nominated for Oscars - one for Schindler's List, and the other this movie, renders an outstanding performance in the role of Laszlo de Almasy. The story revolves around Ralph who is in love with a woman (Katherine) who is already married This tale is narrated to us in the memories of Ralph, after he is burned beyond recognition when the aircraft he is flying is hit by enemy mortar. At this time, he is under the care of the beautiful and graceful nurse Hana, played superbly by Juliette Binoche. Julitte got an Oscar for this role, the same which was denied to her recently in Choclat. Naveen Andrews, known for his roles in Kamasutra and Bride & Prejudice plays an important part in the movie as a Sikh soldier. A "Casablanca" kind of suspense is in the air for few minutes when you do not know whether Ralph will be chosen by Catherine or will it be her husband. The story moves nicely, slowing down at times, and picking pace at others, overall a full score for the characters and the nice ending. All this marriage infidelity changed my mind later to other stream of thoughts. Often we hear of tales where one of the spouses was mentally or physically abused, and soon the marriage is on the docks. Such instances bring a lot of grief to us, if it happens to anyone we know and we are forced to watch helplessly as the person struggles to bring his/her life back to normalcy. Such tales of extreme trauma are few, and make headlines, be it the television or print. However, there exists a second category of couples, who are under less severe conditions, who live a life of compromise and a life very different from what they had intended. When such a couple got married, brought together either by their parents or mutual affection, they would have looked forward to a life of harmony and bliss. However, slowly over a period of time, the life is on a big downward spiral - withdrawal, negative thoughts, less positive energy, unease at the back of the mind, etc. all combined with few good turns here and there. If I may offer a comparison, the extreme traumatic separation of people in the first instance is like the famine deaths in the Vidharba, bringing a lot of strain and injury to the bereaved, while the second set can be compared to the millions starving everyday, struggling for their food and still managing to exist. And this set of people is what I call as Patients in Marriage. I know then there is the third category - where the couple is really made for each other, where compromises are interspersed with love, where fights are full of affection, where each morning is a new beginning and each night a celebration; and such couples are really Blessed in Marriage!